Whipped Cream Difficulties

© Steve Ballmer, 2024.

One of my cow orkers sent me a link to a TechCrunch story (by way of Slashdot). I don’t think the actual TechCruch story is all that interesting: does the Kohler Dekoda actually use end-to-end encryption or not? The story is based on this blog post by Simon Fondrie-Teitler, a security researcher, and the answer seems to be “no”, at least in the way end-to-end encryption is defined:

However, responses from the company make it clear that—contrary to common understanding of the term—Kohler is able to access data collected by the device and associated application. Additionally, the company states that the data collected by the device and app may be used to train AI models.

What I think is more interesting is what the Kohler Dekoda actually is. Kohler, as you know, Bob, is a large plumbing and fixtures company.

The Kohler Dekoda is a camera.

It attaches to your toilet.

Dekoda uses science now available for the first time at home to analyze your urine. It evaluates hydration levels and alerts you to changes in real time.

Dekoda’s advanced sensors analyze your waste. It passively tracks the frequency, consistency, and shape, then decodes that data into practical insights you can use to create habits for a healthy gut.

Yeah. So what it’s doing is taking pictures of your bodily waste, “analyzing” them, and sending you reports on your health.

“01. Download the Kohler Health app

Install the Kohler Health app. Then create your profile where your scores, health & wellness data, and trends are updated after every bathroom visit.”

Of course it needs an app.

02. Install Dekoda

Attach the Dekoda to the inner rim of your toilet. Dekoda is designed to fit most toilet bowls thanks to its innovative clamp. No tools required.

03. Use the bathroom

Visit the bathroom as you would normally. Dekoda uses advanced sensors to passively analyze your waste in the background.

Thank God I can use the bathroom normally!

How much would you pay for a camera on your toilet that tracks your bodily wastes and sends you reports? $50? $100? Or would someone have to pay you?

The Kohler Dekoda sells for $600. But wait, there’s more! And I bet you already know what that “more” is!

Yes, it also requires a subscription. $7 a month ($70 a year) for a single user, or $13 a month ($130 a year) for a “family plan” that’s good for up to five users.

So if you have an average 2 1/2 bath home, and want to make sure you have coverage everywhere you “go”, you’d need to spend $1,800 on the hardware. It isn’t clear to me if the subscription covers multiple cameras, or if you need one subscription for every camera. It also isn’t clear to me how the camera would be able to distinguish between various users (husband/wife), or if you have to tell that app each time that you’re the one on the throne.

I get that there are some people with health conditions that might find this useful, though I question whether it would be $600 plus an ongoing $70 a year useful. I also get that “gut health” seems to be the next big health advance, though it seems to me that “gut health” has been a thing for a while, and what do we have to show for it?

As for hydration, you can print this and hang it above every toilet in your house for a couple of pennies worth of ink.

And if Kohler is using anonymized data to train AI models, I say: awesome! Because the last thing in the world I want is humans (outside of a specific medical context) analyzing bodily wastes, even if they are getting paid for it.