NFL teams that still have a chance to go 0-17:
Miami
New England
Cleveland
Houston
Indianapolis
Tennessee
Denver
Chargers
Washington
Dallas
Green Bay
Carolina
New Orleans
Tampa Bay
Atlanta
Rams
Remember, it is just the first week of the season. There’s still plenty of time to panic.
The start of the NFL season sort of snuck up on me while I was out of town.
The loser update will return sometime on Tuesday (should be back by then) to allow for the results of the Monday night games.
Major League Baseball is at the all-star break, so I probably owe everyone a loser update.
I haven’t really been keeping up this year because there hasn’t been anyone historically bad this year.
The lowest winning percentages in MLB right now are the Los Angeles Angels and the Kansas City Royals, both 38-59 for a .392 winning percentage. After that, the Colorado Rockies come in at 39-59 for .398. The White Sox are actually on top of their division (50-45, .526).
.300 is the cutoff for Wikipedia’s historical list of worst MLB teams. I’m going to say: we’re probably not going to see anybody really bad this year.
But maybe we’ll get lucky in the upcoming NFL season.
MLB teams that have a chance to go 0-162:
None.
There are currently five 1-4 teams (and one 1-3 team) as I write this:
Boston
Minnesota
White Sox
City Unknown Athletics
Colorado
San Diego
Is there any team likely to set a new record this year? Reply hazy, ask again later. I feel like it is too early in the season. But right now, I’m watching Colorado and the White Sox.
MLB teams that have a chance to go 0-162:
Toronto
Tampa Bay
Kansas City
Minnesota
White Sox
City Unknown Athletics
Houston
Texas
Seattle
Miami
Atlanta
Pittsburgh
Cincinnati
Cubs
Colorado
Arizona
San Francisco
San Diego
In other news, the Houston Astros lost to the Los Angeles Angels 3-0 at Daikin Park yesterday. As we all know, that means the Astros won’t be able to sell beer there for the rest of the season…
…because they lost the home opener.
(Thank you. I’ll be here all season. Try the veal and remember to tip your waitress.)
NBA teams that still have a chance to go 0-82:
None.
The Brooklyn Nets were the last team standing. But, sadly, they beat the Pacers last night for their first win.
Both teams are now 1-7, along with the Washington Wizards.
NBA teams that still have a chance to go 0-82:
Indiana Pacers
Brooklyn Nets
New Orleans Pelicans
And today’s bonus firing for you: Scott Woodward fired as athletic director at Louisiana State University.
As you may recall, LSU fired Brian Kelly and owes him $54 million. This has attracted the ire of many, including Louisiana governor Jeff Landry. Gov. Landry went as far as to state that Mr. Woodward wouldn’t be picking the next football coach.
Additional coverage from ESPN.
They don’t call them the Cincinnati Bungles for nothing.
I apologize for being late in getting this up. I had a series of events (the good kind of event, not the bad kind) yesterday that had me out of the house until 7:30 PM. Among those events was driving down to Gruene to meet up with a relative I had not seen in at least 25 years, and maybe closer to 40. While it was fun, it’s also about 90 minutes each way in pretty heavy traffic, so I pretty much got home and went straight to bed.
Anyway, NFL teams that have a chance to go 0-17:
None.
Seriously, Cincinnati? 39-38?
Oh, well. There are still five winless teams in the NBA, and I’ll probably do an update on Friday.
Bonus firing:
Screenshot
Speaking of the war font…story here. ESPN. 34-14 over “four seasons”, but they’ve lost three out the past four games, and got beat 49-25 by Texas A&M on Saturday.
Texas A&M is 8-0. I’m wondering if there’s a chance that we might see a national champion from Texas this year…and it won’t be the one everyone expected at the start of the season.
Edited to add: also out now, LSU offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach Joe Sloan. One story I saw said that the athletic director approached Brian Kelly and told him to fire Sloan. Kelly allegedly said “No, I want to fire these people instead,” and the response was to fire Kelly, then Sloan.
I had to go to the eye doctor this morning for a treatment, so I’m a little late getting this up. Also, my eyes are kind of messed up, so please to forgive any mistakes: if you leave a comment, I’ll fix them.
NHL teams that still have a chance to go 0-82:
None.
The San Jose Sharks won their first game of the season last night, and are now 1-6. This is the same record as the Tampa Bay Lightning. Just sayin’.
One door closes, another door opens.
NBA teams that still have a chance to go 0-82:
Boston Celtics
Detroit Pistons
Miami Heat
Indiana Pacers
Cleveland Cavaliers
Washington Wizards
Brooklyn Nets
Atlanta Hawks
New Orleans Pelicans
Denver Nuggets
Houston Rockets
Portland Trail Blazers
Sacramento Kings
Los Angeles Lakers
LA Clippers
Dallas Mavericks
“What we know about the Billups-Rozier NBA gambling cases” from ESPN.
Bonus quote of the day (well, yesterday, I think):
NFL teams that still have a chance to go 0-17:
NY Jets
And the Sharks are 0-5 in the NHL.
Next week: the Bengals in Cincinnati. Cincinnati is 3-4, and a slight favorite at the moment.
The worthless Bills had a bye this week. The game with the worthless Chargers is in progress at the moment, and what is up with that alternate uniform?
In other news: Billy Napier out as head coach of the University of Florida. 22-23 overall in “three plus” seasons, and the team is 3-4 this season. ESPN.
Jay Norvell out as head coach at Colorado State. 18-26 overall, the team is 2-5 this season, and lost to Hawai’i yesterday. ESPN.
And a non-firing, non-loser update that I don’t have room for anywhere else: Curry College is a D-III school. They beat Nichols 71-27 yesterday, and rushed for 522 yards.
Oh, wait: did I say the team rushed for 522 yards? I mean one guy, running back Montie Quinn, rushed for 522 yards by himself. 20 carries, seven touchdowns, and a NCAA record.
NHL teams that still have a chance to go 0-82:
San Jose Sharks
So we’re down to the Sharks in the NHL, and the Jets in the NFL.
It’s like “West Side Story” up in here.
NHL teams that still have a chance to go 0-82:
Tampa Bay Lightning
Buffalo Sabres
Detroit Red Wings
New York Islanders
Columbus Blue Jackets
Philadelphia Flyers
Washington Capitals
New Jersey Devils
Chicago Blackhawks
Winnipeg Jets
Utah Mammoth
St. Louis Blues
San Jose Sharks
Edmonton Oilers
Anaheim Ducks
I don’t have much to say right now. It is early in the season, and, to be honest, I don’t know that much about hockey. Any predictions I would make are guaranteed to be wrong.
I think I am going to try to do a loser update for the NHL. (Hattip: Angus McThag.)
However, looking at the NHL schedule, I think I should hold off on doing this until Friday. While the regular season has started (as I understand it) it looks like most of the games are Thursday night.
This might become a regular Friday thing.
NFL teams that still have a chance to go 0-17:
NY Jets
The worthless Bills lost.
The worthless Chargers lost.
New Orleans won, but they were playing the New York Football Giants, so that wasn’t exactly a titanic achievement.
And Tennessee narrowly defeated the Cardinals.
This leaves the Jets as the last team standing. Their next game is against Denver in London early Sunday morning. Denver is a heavy favorite, but in my opinion there’s never anything certain about London games.
I’ll try to get the loser update up as early as I can on Sunday.
NFL teams that still have a chance to go 0-17:
NY Jets
Tennessee
New Orleans
The worthless Bills are 4-0.
The New York Football Giants actually beat the worthless Chargers?
And the Packers and Cowboys tied? Not just a tie, but it was also a Scorigami.
In other news, the firings will continue until morale improves. Bruce Bochy out as manager of the Texas Rangers. This is being spun as “by mutual agreement”, but I always wonder how much “mutual” there is in these.
That was over three years: the team was 81-81 this year.