Archive for the ‘Monkeys’ Category

“I feel blessed to live in such times.”

Monday, December 6th, 2021

That was a comment from a friend of mine when I sent this story around last month.

I didn’t blog it at the time because it was all rumors and I had no reliable or semi-reliable sourcing on it. But ESPN published an article over the weekend, so now it can be blogged.

Jeff Banks, who is an assistant coach at UT, and his girlfriend are being sued.

Why?

Their monkey allegedly bit a child.

According to the lawsuit, the child, identified as C.C., was trick-or-treating with two friends on Halloween and was invited to attend a haunted house. The lawsuit says that, after completing the haunted house, the child and his friends were taken to a monkey that Thomas kept in the backyard. According to the complaint, the child was told the monkey was trained to give high-fives.
“Instead of giving a high five, Danielle Thomas’s monkey aggressively bit down on C.C.’s hand and refused to let go,” says the lawsuit, a copy of which was obtained by ESPN on Saturday. “C.C. was forced to manually pry the monkey’s jaw open. There was so much blood that C.C. was unable to see the full extent of the injury.”

According to the lawsuit, “Instead of showing any semblance of care for an injured child, Danielle Thomas was instead worried about the risk of her monkey being taken away. … Danielle Thomas stated to the physician that the monkey had bitten her before and that she was fine, implying that the monkey therefore did not have rabies.”

The family claims that Ms. Thomas has not yet provided vaccination records for the monkey. It isn’t clear from the article if C.C. had to go through the whole series of rabies shots.

Interesting side note:

Thomas is also identified as “Pole Assassin” in the lawsuit, her stage name as a dancer. She once appeared on “The Jerry Springer Show” with the monkey.

Tiger, tiger…

Wednesday, May 12th, 2021

I missed this story the other day, but wanted to make note of it here, if only for this quote:

“Obviously, if you see a Cherokee with a big tiger in it, it would be good to call us,” Ronald Borza, a commander with the Houston Police Department, said at a news conference on Monday afternoon before Mr. Cuevas was taken into custody.

Also:

“We have reports that he does have monkeys,” Commander Borza said.

Also:

The emergency dispatcher wasn’t exactly sure how to handle the situation, he said.
“Who do you want us to send? The police, the Fire Department, you know, the priest?” Mr. Ramos said the dispatcher told him.

How about “all of the above”? Is “all of the above” an option?

Rhesus pieces.

Monday, July 10th, 2017

Semi-serious question for the huddled masses yearning to breathe free that are my readers:

What gun for aggressive monkeys with Herpes B?

(An AR in .223, maybe? Or a high-capacity 9mm, if you’re worried about bullet travel?)

(I’m not suggesting that he sit on the back porch and pick off monkeys at a distance. I like monkeys. But if the kids are in the backyard on their swing set, and a swarm of aggressive virus-carrying monkeys shows up, what’s the best response?)

Nasty, big, pointy teeth!

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

Carry your damn guns, people.