Whipped Cream Difficulties

Or, what I would do if I was put in charge of the Republican party (and “resign immediately” wasn’t an option):

• Complete abolition of the TSA, eight o’clock, day one.
• No more foreign adventures. Pull our troops out of everywhere, including Korea and Europe. We need to stop being the world’s policeman.
• Write off Hollywood and the rest of the entertainment industry. Those people aren’t going to vote Republican anyway.
  What do I mean by “write off”? Simple: announce that the Republican party plans to work for the repeal of the DMCA, opposes any legislation similar to SOPA/PIPA, and plans to roll back copyright to life + 25 years (50 years for “work for hire”). That’s to start with. I’d also suggest ending criminal penalties for copyright violation, the abolition of patents on computer software, and the explicit legalization of software designed to circumvent access controls (even though I think that is covered in the repeal of DMCA). It probably won’t be enough to get Cory Doctrow to vote Republican, but a tech-friendly platform might sway many younger voters. Especially if you stop trying to control people. To be more specific:
• Come out for drug legalization. Not just pot, but all drugs. Stop trying to control what adults put in their bodies. Stop denying painkillers to people in chronic pain. “Oh, but THE CHILDREN!” Bullshit. You can legalize pot and X for adults only, like we do with booze.
• Be the party of justice. Ending the drug war is a good start in that direction. There’s not a whole lot that can be done with this at a national level. But, at a local level, I’d love to see Republican district attorneys stating that their primary concern is making sure that justice is done, not pumping up stats. I’d be delighted if they started aggressive reviews of convictions, and tightened up procedures in crime labs. It would be awesome if Republican mayors and council people made it clear they wouldn’t tolerate police abuses, and followed through on that with firings.
• STFU about abortion and contraception. The battle about sex is over. You lost. Deal with it.
• Ditto gay marriage.
• Stop prosecuting porn producers.
• Embrace gun owners. That means, at a minimum, working for repeal of the Hughes Amendment, as well as a promise not to pursue a ban on normal capacity magazines and modern sporting rifles. I’d go a step further and add removing silencers from NFA 1934 and nationwide concealed carry to the list.
• Stop running idiots as candidates.
• Back off on immigration. Let’s make it easier for good people from other countries to become US citizens. I want those people to move here and open Chinese and Japanese and Korean and Vietnamese and Thai and Afghan and Nepalese and Russian restaurants. (I could do with fewer TexMex joints, but that’s just me.)

So looking over this list, what I’d do is…turn the Republican party into the Libertarian Party. That’s a recipe for success. Then again, if the LP can’t get traction in a two-party system, maybe subverting one of the parties isn’t such a bad idea…

I started writing this yesterday, but decided to wait until this morning to hit the big “publish” button. Oddly enough, it appears I’m not the only person thinking this way.