Yeah, we know, we’re late. We didn’t realize until Wednesday that it was that time of year again, and it took us a while to work up the gumption to do this. Part of the problem, of course, is that this is the column where TMQ mocks the mock drafts. As we’ve said in the past, TMQ thinks this is more amusing than it actually is, and there’s really no reason to go item by item through his attempts at humor.
But we have an obligation to our reader. So we might as well get into it…
Firings: Mike Dunlap, Charlotte Bobcats head coach. One season, 21-61.
Obits: Richie Havens. NYT. LAT. A/V Club.
E. L. Konigsburg, noted author (From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
This is one of those little tidbits that I find fascinating: “From the Mixed-Up Files…” won the Newbery Medal in 1968. That was Ms. Konigsburg’s second book. Her first book, Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth
There will probably be more to say about this tomorrow, but Allan Arbus has also passed away.
In other news, while I was out and about having fun, Lawrence was working. Specifically, he’s been posting video of the Travis County DA being arrested for DWI, and of the DA in jail.
And what do I have to offer to compare with that? Pictures, maybe?
Here we see the elusive Mike the Musicologist. While Jim attempts to throw a net over him, let me tell you about Mutual of Omaha…
And one for my great and good friend Weer’d Beard: ducks!
Busy having fun today. More later.
In the meantime, have this NYT article about the disaster area the Jets have become:
And this breakfast interview with one of my heros, Ricky Jay.
There’s a common variant on that saying: “You can’t cheat a honest person.” I often respond to that by bringing up the bank examiner scam, which works because it targets people’s honesty (and desire to help “law enforcement” catch “bad guys”). But it is nice to see Jay make the same point…
I wasn’t planning to do these as a regular thing this season. But I figure with everything else going on, folks could use a distraction while we wait.
Surprisingly, the Astros do not have the worst record in baseball. The Marlins are at 3-13, for a .188 winning percentage. That works out to an estimated 132 losses this season if trends continue: not quite Cleveland Spiders level, but good enough for third on the all-time list.
Houston is at 4-11, for a .267 winning percentage. That works out to an estimated 119 losses, which would be a record for the Astros, and would get them on the list right around where the 2003 Detroit Tigers are.
Heard on the CBS coverage: “How do you lock down an entire city?” (Nobody had a really good answer to that question.)
More:
(CBS, or the local CBS affiliate – I’m not sure which – just ran a commercial featuring an exploding air conditioner. Bad timing, guys.)
I may come back to this later. I want to do some research and possibly talk to Lawrence. In other news:
Jimmy Haslam recently bought the Cleveland Browns. Haslam made a pile of money off of the Pilot Flying J chain of truck stops and “travel centers”. Yesterday, the FBI raided the Pilot Flying J headquarters:
More:
The Browns just can’t catch a break, can they? It will be interesting to see how this plays out as we get closer to the NFL season.
(Heard on CBS: “I was going into this thinking there was some connection to somewhere.” No s–t, Sherlock.)
Edited to add: Since folks are distracted by Boston at the moment, let me note here: the confirmed death toll in West stands at 12.
According to the association, one of those firefighters was from Dallas: all of the others were volunteer firefighters with the West Fire Department.
I was out of pocket pretty much all morning and much of the afternoon for something that didn’t quite pan out. (Lousy Sapril weather.)
However, Lawrence was covering the beat for me.
Lawrence Frank out as head coach of the Detroit Pistons. 54-94 over two “seasons” (in quotes because Frank was hired during the 2011 strike).
Byron Scott out as head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Three seasons, 64-166.
Doug Collins has “resigned” as coach of the Philadelphia 76ers, but is apparently staying on as a “consultant”. So this is probably closer to a real resignation than “jumped before being pushed”, but I note it anyway. Three seasons, 110-120.
“anyone who has lived in Travis County for six months” and “is not currently under indictment”.
Heh. Heh. Heh. Personally, I would have waited until she was actually convicted, but that’s just my strategic thinking.
(Hattip: Lawrence.)
The “not yet named as a suspect” in the Kaufman County DA shootings had “more than 20 guns” in a storage unit. Or, as we call that in Texas, “just about average”.
And the firearms included two or three handguns and seven assault rifles.
I’d like to see these “assault rifles”; I don’t trust the NYT to know which end the bullets come out of.
Edited to add: Well. Well, well, well. Well. How about that Aryan Brotherhood?
Speaking of trusting the NYT on guns:
More:
The Times assembled a database and analyzed several months of ads from Armslist
Whooop! Whoop! Journalist with a database alert!
I have to head out the door shortly, but may come back to this NYT article later on.
Obit watch: Pat Summerall.
The Houston Astros won their opener…and have lost five straight games since.
(There are no MLB teams that have gone winless in this first week of the season. Houston, Miami, Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, and San Diego are all 1-5. Also, the blog widget I was using to display MLB standings hasn’t been updated in two years, and doesn’t seem to work with the current version of WordPress.)
Perhaps because nobody pays attention to the rapidly dying W.N.B.A.? This entire NYT article strikes me as condescending: Brittney Griner can make her own decisions about where she plays, and who she plays against. She doesn’t need the NYT telling her what to do.
(Seriously, I don’t understand why people are paying so much attention to Mark Cuban’s comments. He didn’t say anything that every other owner in the NBA hasn’t thought. If Fred Phelps could hit the 3-point shot and sell tickets, Cuban would be waving bundles of cash under his nose. So would every other NBA owner.)
Magnus Carlsen is the top-ranked chess player in the world, and “the first world No. 1 from a Western country since Bobby Fischer“.
More:
I’m waiting for him to show up in a commercial for Citizen Eco-Drive watches, myself.
Tim Pernetti is apparently out as Rutgers AD over the Mike Rice scandal.
Also out: Jimmy Martelli, aka “Baby Rice”, an assistant coach.
Both of these are being spun as “resignations”, but my reading between the lines is that they were more like “I’m quitting now before I officially get canned.”
Some notes from the legal beat to get things started:
Javaris Crittenton is being charged with murder and “gang activity”. Crittenton is a former NBA player with the Lakers, Wizards, and Grizzlies. You may remember him as “that guy who got into a locker room altercation with Gilbert Arenas that ended with guns being pulled and a 38-game suspension”.
Meanwhile, in Arizona, Louis C. Taylor has been freed from prison. Mr. Taylor served 42 years before his release: he was convicted of starting a hotel fire in 1970, when he was 16, and sentenced to 28 life terms. However, it looks like the evidence used to convict Mr. Taylor was questionable, and (if I read the article correctly) the prosecution withheld exculpatory evidence.
And:
Of course they believe Mr. Taylor was guilty. God forbid they should admit someone served 42 years for what may not have even been a crime.
Senator Smith is accused of trying to bribe his way onto the ballot for the mayor’s race in New York City.
Wait. What?
In case you were wondering, Robert “Ratso” Rizzo’s trial on corruption charges is scheduled for September. Ratso’s former assistant, Angela Spaccia, is asking for a separate trial.
From the department of things that suck: noted SF author Ian Banks is dying. Many of my friends, including Lawrence, are big Banks fans. I never got into his work, personally: the only Banks book I own is Raw Spirit: In Search of the Perfect Dram
Firing watch: Mike Rice out as basketball coach of Rutgers after video of him acting like an a–hole becomes public.
“It is not surprising that this champion of the damned was, in his adult years, a Chicago Cubs fan.”
–John A. Farrell, Clarence Darrow: Attorney for the Damned
Oooooh crap did that guy’s leg just get Theismanned?That looked awful.
— Popehat (@Popehat) March 31, 2013
“Theismanned”? (That guy in question.)
Watching Duke/ Louisville my heart goes out to Kevin Ware.
— Joe Theismann (@Theismann7) March 31, 2013
(Subject line hattip, more or less. If you put “verbing weirds language” into Google, you can find the original C&H strip.)
In great haste, because I am tied up and down with stuff:
Tubby Smith out as coach of the Minnesota Golden Gophers.
Sources are reporting that Ben Howland is going to be fired from his position as men’s basketball coach at UCLA.
The team went 25-10 this year, and lost on Friday to Minnesota.
The Tampa Bay Lightning (wait, they play hockey in Florida?) fired coach Guy Boucher.
