Archive for the ‘Stupid’ Category

Let my people eat bread.

Thursday, February 7th, 2013

My mother sent along an article from the WP that I had missed, “Better bread starts with a sponge“, which discusses some sourdough techniques for home bakers.

I appreciate her sending that along, and have already sent her some comments. But since they’re easy blog fodder, I’ll repeat them here. I don’t really have any problems with Marcy Goldman, or her article; I want to try her “Favorite French Bread“. But there are some questions I have and comments to make.

  1. Goldman quotes Cook’s Illustrated as saying home bakers should “forgo a starter to save time and simply add vinegar for that characteristic acidic taste”. This is, so far, the dumbest thing I’ve read in 2013. To her credit, Goldman does not endorse this, but I expect better from CI and that tweedy little bow-tied jackass.
  2. Why is this dumb? Because anyone can make a starter. It is not the nuclear rocket brain surgery. It isn’t hard. I have made starters and baked with them, and I’m not Thomas Freaking Keller in the kitchen. All you need is flour, water, and time; that’s how the original Alaskan sourdoughs were made. Yeast is a possible addition, but isn’t strictly needed. (I’ll touch on that in a minute.) As far as time goes, you can get a starter going in 72 hours, and it will keep indefinitely with reasonable care.
  3. Goldman’s stater recipe calls for a cup of spring water, 1 1/4 cups of unbleached bread flour, 2 tablespoons each of whole-wheat and rye flour, and 1/2 teaspoon of instant yeast. The starter recipe I’ve been using calls for 3/4 cup of milk, “heated to a simmer and cooled to 100°F”, 1 cup flour (white, whole-wheat, or rye) and 1 1/2 teaspoons of yeast. Both make enough starter for one loaf in their respective recipes; I’ve doubled the recipe amount for my starter, and am feeding it with 1 cup heated milk and 1 cup rye or whole-wheat flour whenever I pull some starter out. That way, I always have enough starter. (I keep it in a crock on the back of my stove.)
  4. Here’s the thing, though: if you’re starting your starter with yeast, aren’t you just…growing more of the same yeast? I mean, if I want Fleischman’s, I can go buy that stuff all day long at the HEB. Or do the natural yeasts in the air eventually overwhelm your starter yeast? I have heard it said that’s what happens with packaged sourdough starter, like you might get as a souvenir in San Francisco or Alaska; you may get it home and bake some bread, but eventually the original strain will get overwhelmed by your wild local yeasts. (That doesn’t mean I don’t want to try baking with one of those starters; I do.)
  5. The one starter I’ve found that doesn’t call for added yeast is Nancy Silverton’s in Breads from the La Brea Bakery. I’d like to try that, but it takes 14 days to get to the point where you’re ready to bake with it, and it seems very fussy. While I was looking up Silverton’s starter, I found this starter recipe from Michael Ruhlman, which doesn’t take 14 days, doesn’t call for added yeast, and also looks like something worth trying.
  6. Speaking of Ruhlman, he’s probably worth a post of his own at some point. (I’ve been reading Ratio: The Simple Codes Behind the Craft of Everyday Cooking and The Making of a Chef: Mastering Heat at the Culinary Institute of America, the latter of which I paid $1 for at the Austin Public Library bookstore. At one point in Making, Ruhlman mentions a CIA chef who has a starter he’s kept going since 1985; the book came out in 1997, so that was at least a ten-year-old starter.)

Random notes: January 18, 2013.

Friday, January 18th, 2013

A nine-month independent investigation determined that Billy Hunter failed in his fiduciary responsibilities as the executive director of the National Basketball Players Association and that the union’s executive board should consider replacing him.

Among other things:

  • Hunter got $1.3 million for “unused vacation time” without any review.
  • Hunter hired family and friends without disclosing that he had conflicts of interest.
  • Hunter invested “millions of dollars” in a bank that was failing; his son was a director.
  • Hunter “pursued ‘speculative’ business ventures.
  • Hunter bought expensive gifts for various people with union money.
  • Hunter “spent about $28,000 on personal legal fees for Charles Smith, the former executive of the National Basketball Retired Players Association.”

Hunter’s actions, while questionable, are not actually criminal, according to the report. But: “…Hunter’s contract, which is worth up to $18 million through 2017, is not ‘valid or enforceable.'”

Lawrence wrote yesterday about David Dewhurst’s top aide skimming $600,000 from his campaign, and wondered how you manage to miss $600,000. I have some of the same questions about this next story: a former bookkeeper scammed $100,000 from Masa, the high end Japanese restaurant in New York City.

Yeah, you’d figure it is easy for a bookkeeper to scam money, but it seems like this guy was really stupid:

The bookkeeper, Rafael Thomas, increased his own base salary to $86,000 from about $52,000, according to the indictment. He made company checks out to “Cash,” and cashed them himself, it said, and he skimmed an additional $44,000 from the daily receipts he was supposed to deposit in the bank.

No dummy suppliers? Just checks made out to “cash”? And:

A prosecutor said in court that Mr. Thomas spent $52,000 of the money he took on Internet pornography.

Sometimes, there’s just nothing you can say:

The Catholic priest busted for allegedly dealing crystal meth was suspended after church officials discovered he was a cross-dresser who was having sex in the rectory at Bridgeport’s St. Augustine Cathedral.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I was WRONG!

More awards.

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

In addition to the 2013 “stupid statement” and “best article” of the year awards, I think I’m also going to have to set up the Prometheus Memorial Stupid Behavior For A Professional Award this year.

That isn’t original to me; it comes from an article on the A/V Club site. But having seen Prometheus, I like the idea so much I want to take it and run with it.

Before I link to the A/V Club article (credit where credit is due), I want to note that it is from their “Spoiler Space” section and does give spoilers for a movie being released this week. (I’d name the movie, but I think the combination of that and the award name is, in and of itself, a spoiler.) If you don’t give a flying fark, here’s the link.

To hell with Best Buy.

Sunday, January 6th, 2013

Battery life on my Android phone has always been an issue.

Not too long ago (I think slightly more than a year) I bought a 1750 mAh hour battery from Best Buy. That worked okay for a while, but over the past few days, it has become clear that battery is dying.

“No problem,” I thought. “I’ll get another one from Best Buy.”

Went to Best Buy. Looked for batteries. Couldn’t find any. Got a clerk’s attention.

Best Buy no longer carries any cell phone batteries. At all. They’ve got car chargers. They’ve got cases out the wazoo. But no batteries for any cell phones, even the ones they currently sell.

The clerk told me “go to Batteries Plus”.

(Batteries Plus wanted $43 for a standard capacity Evo 4G battery, and didn’t have any 1750 mAh batteries. Screw that. I can get two 2000 mAh batteries from Newegg for $11.29. And I still have my original Evo 4G battery, plus a 3500 mAh battery that I paid $4.99 for a while back. I haven’t been using the 3500 mAh one because it is a physically larger battery that requires putting a custom back on the phone (included with the original purchase), which would in turn require removing the case I have on the phone. But it is there if I need it while I wait for the Newegg ones to come in.)

(Yes, I know it was CompUSA, not Best Buy, but this is still obligatory.)

The no fun league.

Monday, November 26th, 2012

Headline in the LAT: “Bounce house injuries rocket; child hurt every 46 minutes“.

Thought: maybe that child needs to be more careful.

Lead: “…inflatable bounce houses can be dangerous and are associated with a 15-fold increase in the number of injuries from 1995 to 2010, according to a study published in a scientific journal.

Buried in the article:

Transparent excuse to link something that’s technically not a bounce-house, but probably as dangerous:

Those kids today.

Monday, November 19th, 2012

While the lion’s share of youth anti-smoking efforts has focused on cigarettes, a new report in the CDC journal Preventing Chronic Disease suggests more needs to be done to reduce the number of teens smoking flavored tobacco from hookahs.

According to the study, “18.5% of 12th-grade students admitted to using a hookah in the previous year.” I’m trying to wrap my mind around this:

Maybe I’m stupid, but I just have a real hard time visualizing large numbers of teens either buying hookahs and tobacco off the Internet and smoking with their friends (and all the fuss that entails) or hanging out at the local hookah bar.
Unless by “teens” they mean “18 and 19 year olds”, in which case they need to smoke a heaping hookah of STFU flavored shisha.

Meanwhile, in the LA Unified School District, “student stores” are making money hand over fist selling food to students unhappy with the school cafeteria’s “healthy” options.

For students, the stores provide an alternative to the cafeteria food one sophomore described as “meh” and a junior called “crazy healthy.” For the schools, the stores provide a much-needed cash supplement for their slashed budgets. Proceeds pay for such things as athletic uniforms, school dances and graduation decorations.

Street price for a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos is a buck, by the way.

Yo! Omar’s covering up!

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

Remember James Kwon, “Maritime Director” of the Port of Oakland? Mister “Spent $4,500 on strippers at Treasures”?

New developments: Mr. Kwon has a boss, “Executive Director” Omar Benjamin.

Port officials, however, redacted Benjamin’s name from the copies of the party receipts that were turned over to us and others in response to public-records requests. According to a source close to the investigation, Benjamin insisted he didn’t remember being at the club.

Would you like to guess what Mr. Kwon is saying? Yes: not only was his boss at Treasures, but Mr. Benjamin actually authorized him to pick up the tab. Mr. Benjamin and Mr. Kwon are both on paid suspensions from their positions.

Also, the receipt in question “listed a half dozen directors and vice presidents from BNSF Railway as being in attendance”. This is interesting, because the port claims they followed “‘a standard protocol of redacting the names of all persons that appeared on the reports’ – except the person named in a media public-records request” in explaining why Mr. Benjamin’s name was redacted from the receipt. So if they redacted all the names, how were the BNSF directors listed?

Setting that aside, though, BNSF says that they’ve checked travel records and spoken to their people, and there’s “no evidence its executives were at the party, or even in Houston at the time”. (If they were in Houston, it could have been perfectly legit, as there was a conference going on.)

The way the press is treating this story also strikes me as odd. Both the SFChron and the HouChron seem to be treating this as more of a gossip column item (the HouChron even reprinting, word for word, the SF paper’s story) instead of a story about political corruption, while the Oakland paper seems to be totally silent about the entire issue.

Is it the strippers? Do the papers just not take stories that feature strippers seriously? Remember: it was a stripper that brought down Wilbur Mills.

And on a related note.

Monday, October 1st, 2012

Since we’re into October, I wonder if it is time to start rounding up candidates for the Dumbest Article Printed In a Large Circulation Publication In 2012.

I could go through my “stupid” tag, but most of those entries are for heroic individual acts of stupidity, and not articles from the mass media.

I could throw things open to my readers, but every time I do throw things open to my readers, I get, shall we say, a less than deafening response.

Then again, I can’t dance, and it is too wet to plow still, so….

…put your candidates for “Dumbest Article Printed In a Large Circulation Publication In 2012” into the comments, or email them to me at stainles at gmail dot com if you want to remain monogamous anonymous.

I do think we need some ground rules:

  • Both traditional print and web-based publications are eligible.
  • I will accept nominations of individual articles from Salon and Slate, but I will not accept nominations of either of those sites as a whole. I will also judge submissions from those two sites more harshly than I do submissions from other sources, as both sites already have a reputation for publishing articles of enormous stupidity; thus, I hold them to a higher standard than I do supposedly reputable mass media such as the LAT.
  • I will accept nominations of individual articles from this site and the Saturday Dining Conspiracy web site, just to be fair.
  • “UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT Information is ENCOURAGED, ESPECIALLY to COMPUTER BULLETIN BOARDS.”

We’ve already got the LAT pot growers of the Emerald Triangle story to work with. (Though, on second thought, is that a stupid story, or a smart story about stupid people?)

I’ll add to the list this fine Salon article from January, which John Scalzi ably dissected. (“…the seven most damaging words in the English language for the reputation of any novelist might very well be ‘I just wrote an article for Salon.'”)

Any more entries? I’m sure I’m forgetting something, probably in Slate.

Edited to add: Thinking about it some more, I realized that I left the definition of “Large Circulation Publication” undefined. For example, does a professional writer’s personal blog that gets a lot of traffic count as a “Large Circulation Publication”? I think my answer to that is: you post ’em, I print ’em.

Emu meat!

Sunday, September 30th, 2012

In this part of southern India known for scams that vary from teak plantations and gold to real estate and foreign exchange, this was a con with a difference. Rather than dangling the usual bling to attract investors to their get-rich-quick scheme, these “entrepreneurs” used emus.

Oh, if only people learned from history

And:

By some estimates, 1,000 Ponzi schemes operate at any given time in each of India’s 28 states, fueled by weak regulation, overlapping agencies and corrupt officials.

Might I suggest that anytime somebody says to you, “Yes, you can get into the business of raising large flightless birds, even if you live in an apartment. You don’t even need to ever see the birds” you should probably turn around and run in the opposite direction?

Magnets. How do they work?

Friday, August 17th, 2012

The NYT got around to covering the “Buckyballs” story. I put “Buckyballs” in quotes because there are actually other manufacturers involved.

Daniel Peykar, co-founder of Magnicube, said his six-month-old company agreed to voluntarily stop selling its rare-earth magnets, at least temporarily, because it did not want to pay the legal fees associated with an administrative complaint.

And this is priceless:

“There were kind of three portions of the bowel that were stuck together by the Buckyballs,” said Ms. Lopez, who explained that her daughter required two operations and missed a month of school. “Knowing what my daughter went through, I don’t feel that Buckyballs serve any true purpose.”

Ms. Lopez’s child “swallowed four Buckyballs in March while pretending to have a pierced tongue”. Her daughter is 12.

Toys, toys, toys.

Monday, August 13th, 2012

Did you know that the promo code SUCKITGROUPON will get you 45% off your Buckyballs order from getbuckyballs.com?

I didn’t, either, until I saw it on Overlawyered. I already got my first set of Buckyballs, but I just ordered some more: this time, I got some BuckyBigs, so I can pretend to be Captain Queeg while I’m sitting at my desk.

(Note that I have no financial relationship with the BuckyBalls people; I just want the CPSC to die in a fire.)

In other news, the Germans have shipped my USB TV receiver.

Another reason not to use Facebook.

Friday, August 3rd, 2012

Alberto Gutierrez was married to Mayela Gutierrez Gil. The relationship was somewhat rocky, and Mr. and Mrs. Gutierrez decided to divorce.

The divorce itself was somewhat unpleasant. Mr. Gutierrez was charged with “making criminal threats, stalking and two counts of disobeying a domestic relations court order”. The stalking charge was dismissed by a judge, who also threw out one of the two counts of disobeying a court order. Mr. Gutierrez was acquitted by a jury on the other counts.

So what? Well, it seems that Mrs. Gutierrez was romantically involved with Detective Phillip Solano of the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.

…during Gutierrez’s criminal trial, information surfaced that the man’s wife, Mayela Gutierrez Gil, and the detective were Facebook friends who had exchanged messages and calls. “How are you precious? I miss you a lot,” read one from the detective, according to Gutierrez’s attorney, Arnoldo Casillas.

Mr. Gutierrez sued LACSO, detective Solano, and another LACSO deputy, Russell Verduzco. Verduzco was accused of “conspiring with Solano to cover up evidence that showed Gutierrez’s wife was in fact the one making threats against him.”

The jury awarded Mr. Gutierrez $457,500.

Sheriff’s Department spokesman Steve Whitmore said Solano will now face an internal affairs investigation. Although, he said, sheriff’s officials “believe we have very strong grounds for an appeal, so that’s going to be carefully considered.”