We’ve finished the first week of the playoffs. Would you expect TMQ to be longer, shorter, or about the same?
We expected shorter. We got “about the same”: almost 5,200 words by our count. Of which the first 1,600 (nearly 31%) are devoted to one theme, which we can summarize in four words.
After the jump, this week’s TMQ…
Yeah, we can’t believe it, either. We want to try on our best Don LaFontaine voice. “In the future world of 2018…”
And that’s as far as we’ve gotten. “…you will believe that a famous chef sends out an apology for sexual harassment that includes his recipe for cinnamon buns“? Nobody would believe that.
“You will believe that Gregg Easterbrook watched football on New Year’s Eve”? That might work.
After the jump, this week’s TMQ…
The Houston Texas have let several assistants go:
Mr. Izzo’s departure is described as “a mutual parting of the ways” rather than a firing, while Mr. Butler’s and Mr. Colman’s are described as actual firings.
Running backs coach Charles London is leaving the staff on his own without being dismissed. London wants to pursue a quarterback coaching position.
Meanwhile, Texans director of football research Jim Bernhardt is retiring.
Dom Capers out as defensive coordinator for Green Bay. Also inside linebackers coach Scott McCurley and defensive line coach Mike Trgovac. It feels kind of crappy to fire guys after a season disrupted by a quarterback’s injury. But then again, as ESPN points out, the Pack’s defense ranked 22nd out of 32 teams: you can’t blame not having a quarterback for that.
It has begun.
Jim Caldwell fired as head coach of the Detroit Lions.
Give the man credit though: in four seasons, none of his teams went 0-16.
John Fox gone as coach of da Bears. He was 14-34 over three seasons, and 5-11 this year.
Edited to add: Not a firing, but Bruce Arians has retired as coach of the Arizona Cardinals, ostensibly to spend more time with his family. (Some coverage has also mentioned that Mr. Arians has suffered from various health issues, too.)
Chuck Pagano out as head coach of the Colts.
The team was 4-12 this year.
Edited to add: And now, Jack Del Rio out as coach of the Raiders, according to ESPN. Haven’t found a good link for this yet. Rumor for the past couple of days has been that the Raiders really want Jon Gruden and are prepared to offer him everything, including equity in the team.
Gregg Easterbrook is going to be more insufferable than usual.
Honorable readers:
As of 3:06 PM Central on December 31st, 2017, the Cleveland Browns became the third team in the modern NFL era to go an entire season without winning a game, and the second to finish an entire season 0-16.
Only the 2008 Detroit Lions match Cleveland’s record for futility: the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished their first season 0-14.
In other news, the New York Football Giants actually won their game, improving to 3-13. This may be good enough for second place in the draft: the Colts beat Houston and finished 4-12.
More later, maybe. There will be a ceremonial toast drunk tonight.
Edited to add: Yep. Looks like it’s going to be Browns-Giants for sure. I think the third and subsequent positions are still up in the air until the late games are over.
ETA2: Cleveland.com coverage.
ETA3: Per NFL.com, it’s going to be:
Browns
Giants
Colts
Browns again (traded with Houston for this pick)
I expect Bloody Monday to be interesting. If there are any “Damn, you didn’t even wait to get him in the house” firings tonight, I’ll try to update.
Two articles from ESPN that amused me:
“The worst teams in NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL history“. I quibble with their NBA team choice, but the rest of the picks seem sound.
“The worst NFL teams ever for all 32 franchises“. The picks for Detroit and Tampa Bay are logical. But were the 1990 Browns worse than the 2016 Browns?
da Bears won! da Bears won!
NFL teams that still have a chance to go 0-16:
Cleveland
With the defeat, the Browns became the first team in NFL history to have multiple 15-loss seasons, according to ESPN Stats & Information. The Browns, who are 0-15 this season, finished 1-15 last season.
Coach Hue Jackson has been coach for both seasons and is 1-30 in his two years leading Cleveland. Browns owner Jimmy Haslam already has stated that Jackson will return in 2018.
And in other news:
Gee, where I have heard something very much like this before…? ‘Tis a mystery.
As I’ve noted a couple times before, the Browns last game of the season is in Pittsburgh. Anything can happen, of course, and depending on playoff position the Steelers may want to rest their starters, but I don’t see Cleveland coming out with a win unless things go totally off the rails.
Well, I got an early Christmas present this year. And it sits at the odd intersection of musical theater, law, politics, Christmas…and Rhode Island.
The folks at the Crimetown podcast did a partial reconstruction of “Buddy Cianci: The Musical”.
—Jonathan Van Gieson
The musical had seven performances at the New York Fringe Festival in 2003. It has not been performed since, and there was no original cast recording.
This made me tear up a little: Jacksonville Jaguars fans decided to send trash cans to Houston Texans defensive end Jadeveon Clowney after he called their quarterback “trash”.
Jadeveon Clowney’s response? Fill the trash cans and a van full of toys and give them to needy children. Like Lawrence, I’m still mostly checked out of the NFL, but this is a good story.
Before we jump into this week’s column, we did want to make note of the not-technically-a-firing-but resignation of ESPN president John Skipper. We think it is appropriate to note this here because this is sportsfirings.com, and for reasons we will get into shortly.
We really don’t have much to say about this: we don’t care much for ESPN, or the way Skipper’s been running it. But substance abuse of any sort sucks, and we wish the man all the luck in the world.
After the jump, this week’s TMQ…
NFL teams that still have a chance to go 0-16:
Cleveland
This isn’t working out too too badly. The Browns lost. The New York Football Giants lost again, and sit at 2-12. San Francisco won, and is now 4-10.
Cleveland’s next game is on the road at Chicago. da Bears are also 4-10: I’m concerned about this game, but Chicago will be playing at home, with an extra day of rest (they played Saturday) and has something to play for. Even a moral victory is still a victory.
And let us not forget the Colts, who are at 3-11, but don’t play Cleveland or New York or SF the rest of this season, so who cares? (Their last two games are Baltimore on the road and Houston at home.)
In “not exactly a firing, but…” news: Jerry Richardson is selling the Carolina Panthers.
“Why?” you may ask.
The announcement came just hours after a Sports Illustrated report outlined allegations of sexual and racial misconduct by Richardson toward former Panthers employees.
The team announced an investigation into the alleged misconduct on Friday evening. The NFL said Sunday that it would take over the investigation.
This is still a developing story. Does Richardson selling the team cut off the NFL investigation? Could the Panthers move if they were sold? If so, where? And should I ask for a Magic 8-Ball for Christmas?
Two weeks in a row, we have a column title that tells you everything you need to know. In this case, it tells you that Gregg Easterbrook is a low, mean, and contemptible person.
After the jump, this week’s TMQ…
On the road, more later, but:
Hundley, you magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR BOOK!
NFL teams that still have a chance of going 0-16:
Cleveland
Edited to add 12/11: Man, that was a squeaker, wasn’t it?
I was actually in the middle of a Bass Pro Shop in San Antonio with Mike the Musicologist and RoadRich when I pulled out my phone to check the game status…and saw Green Bay was down by 7 points with 47 seconds left to go.
“Oh, heck,” I say. Then I look at the game details and see that Green Bay is in scoring position…and get a little happier. By the time we’ve checked out and left, the game is in overtime and I’m watching the updates on the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network’s webpage as we head down the freeway to our next stop…
…so that was my Sunday. How was yours?
San Francisco won, and is now 3-10. I’ll have more to say about that in a minute. The New York Football Giants lost, and are now 2-11 and nicely positioned for a good draft pick. Might I suggest Baker Mayfield?
And Cleveland’s next three games are:
* Baltimore in Cleveland, which I think is a win.
* Chicago in Chicago, which worries me: as I’ve said, da Bears are da Bad. But they did beat Cincinnati, which is more than can be said for the Browns, and they will be playing at home.
* Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh. I think this is also a win unless Pittsburgh has everything locked up at this point, and decides to play their second and third teams.
ETA2: Oh, yeah. About that SF game. What the hell, Houston?
Really!
We have a firing. In the Cleveland Browns organization.
But not head coach Hue Jackson.
Sashi Brown, the “Executive Vice President of Football Operations” was fired earlier today.
But wait, it gets better! The Browns are bringing back Jackson as head coach next year!
Noted:
Brown’s signature move was trading the No. 2 pick in the 2016 draft to the Philadelphia Eagles for a boatload of picks. The Eagles drafted Wentz, and are now 10-2. They’re Super Bowl contenders, and the Browns are trying to avoid becoming the second team in NFL history to go 0-16.
With picks acquired in that trade, Brown selected receiver Corey Coleman, right tackle Shon Coleman, quarterback Cody Kessler, receiver Ricardo Louis, safety Derrick Kindred, receiver Jordan Payton, offensive lineman Spencer Drango, Jabrill Peppers and DeShone Kizer.
(Guest post from Infidel de Manahatta, as promised.)
Was he as good as Peyton? No but that’s not really a fair comparison. But Eli still belongs in the HOF.