Archive for the ‘Bagatelle’ Category

Headline of the day.

Friday, May 19th, 2023

Violent taco rampage caught on camera at D.C. Chipotle

In other news, “Violent Taco Rampage” is the name of my new Smiths cover band.

Quick random gun crankery, no filler.

Wednesday, May 17th, 2023

From YouTube: a factory tour of the Smith and Wesson plant in Springfield, Massachusetts.

Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I have been on that tour…

Bingo!

Friday, April 28th, 2023

I have a bingo on my buzzword bingo card.

“What Upward Farms calls Ecological Intelligence is a proprietary microbiome technology that introduces a biologically-based reinforcement learning flywheel. By curating a diverse microbiome with genetic capacity for key functions, Upward Farms achieves an autonomous, self-optimising, and highly productive biological manufacturing platform.”

As a smart man says:

Bagatelle (#84)

Tuesday, April 4th, 2023

Shot:

A 6-year-old Australian girl was bitten in the head by a dingo that then dragged her underwater — until her heroic family members rushed in to save her from the wild dog.

Chaser:

Bagatelle (#80)

Thursday, March 23rd, 2023

Shot:

Chaser:

Yet another thing I did not know.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2023

According to the bear’s owners, the Cocaine Bear has the authority to officiate legally binding weddings in the mall where it is kept due to Kentucky’s marriage laws. This claim is only partly true; the bear does not have the authority to solemnize weddings, but the state of Kentucky cannot invalidate marriages performed by unqualified persons if the parties believe that the person marrying them has the authority to do so. As such, it is a belief in the Cocaine Bear’s authority that allows it to officiate legally binding weddings in Kentucky.

So as long as you believe, the marriage is valid. But when you stop believing, the marriage is invalid. And Pablo Escobear’s authority to officiate weddings is a giant consensual hallucination…and doesn’t the fact that Wikipedia states the bear does not have that authority invalidate the claim that the parties believe the bear has that authority?

Bagatelle (#79)

Thursday, March 16th, 2023

Shot:

It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonoured by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money. Is there a single virtue now remaining amongst you? Is there one vice you do not possess? Ye have no more religion than my horse; gold is your God; which of you have not barter’d your conscience for bribes? Is there a man amongst you that has the least care for the good of the Commonwealth? Ye sordid prostitutes have you not defil’d this sacred place, and turn’d the Lord’s temple into a den of thieves, by your immoral principles and wicked practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress’d, are yourselves gone! So! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors. In the name of God, go!

–Oliver Cromwell, Speech on the dissolution of the Rump of the Long Parliament, 20 April 1653

Chaser:

“You shut down our schools, you shut down the churches, you shut down the businesses,” Kelly railed, according to a video posted by Forbes.
“You did the one thing that I thought could never happen,” he said. “As someone who was born and raised on the south side of Chicago, I never thought in my life that I would ever see the city of Chicago brought down so low as you have managed to bring it down.
“Shame on you,” Kelly said. “That is a legacy that you are going to have to carry.”

Mount Washington ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids…

Saturday, February 4th, 2023

…in fact, it’s cold as hell.

New Hampshire’s Mount Washington felt more like Mars than planet Earth on Friday as wind chills dipped below an unfathomable minus 110 degrees, a new record for the coldest wind chill ever recorded in the US.
Known for having some of the world’s worst weather, Mount Washington saw air temperatures plummet to minus 46 degrees with wind speeds averaging over 100 miles per hour with gusts over 125 miles per hour as the artic air mass wreaked havoc Friday, according to the Mount Washington observatory.

Meanwhile on Mars, temperatures on the surface this week reached a balmy high of 16 degrees with a low of minus 105, according to NASA. The space agency said temperatures of the red planet can fluctuate between minus 225 and 70 degrees.

This goes out to FotB RoadRich:

Nimbus the cat, who lives in the observatory with staffers, was reportedly cozied up and unbothered by the deadly storm, despite being a bit grumpy from taking his flea medication.
“He is actually sleeping through most of this event,” Tarasiewciz said.

Bagatelle (#78).

Friday, February 3rd, 2023

Shot:

New York to feel like a below-zero Arctic hell amid Northeast cold spell

New York will be hit with dangerously cold conditions this weekend, as an Arctic blast threatens most of the Northeast and puts residents in some areas at risk of getting frostbite in as little as three minutes.

Chaser:

Bagatelle (#77).

Tuesday, January 31st, 2023

Shot:

Chaser:

He remembered the advice of the old man on Sulphur Creek, and smiled. The man had been very serious when he said that no man should travel alone in that country after 50 below zero.

Quick pro tip.

Monday, December 5th, 2022

If you are making commercials for your business (say, for example, a law firm I won’t name here) and the person doing your commercials suggests using small children in them…

…please run, don’t walk, in the other direction and find a new company to work with.

Norts spews.

Monday, November 7th, 2022

I feel like I am obligated to say something about the Houston Astros winning the World Series.

With that out of the way, I wanted to mention my Theory of Compensatory Suckage.

The Astros won the World Series. The Houston Texans are 1-6-1 so far this season, which gives them the worst record in the NFL at the moment. The Houston Rockets are currently 1-9, which is the worst record in basketball at the moment. Seems like everything balances out.

In other news: Frank Reich out as head coach of the Indianapolis Colts.

40-34-1 over roughly four and a half seasons.

… the coach’s tenure in Indianapolis began to go wrong when Reich “stuck his neck out” for the team to bring in Carson Wentz in 2021, a decision that ultimately led to a potential playoff team’s collapse in the final two games, and the collapse of a 2022 team that many national experts picked to win the AFC South ultimately ended Reich’s tenure, nine games into his fifth season.

The triggering event seems to have been the Colts losing 26-3 to New England on Sunday, and putting up 121 yards of offense in the process.