“Is Cam Newton already a football god?” Without even going past that headline, we’ll suggest that the answer is “No”: rather, Cam Newton is Gandalf the Grey, the NFL is Middle Earth, and the Lombardi Trophy is the One Ring.
Hey, it makes about as much sense as last week’s extended Narnia analogy.
After the jump, “yes” or “no” to TMQ’s question…
Well, we would give a “yes” or “no” if we could figure out TMQ’s answer. Signs point to “no”, TMQ’s main point (and the first 726 words of his column) being that the large pass yardages totaled up the past two weeks are due to blown coverages, which in turn are an artifact of the strike and the missing offseason.
TMQ’s love for unwanted players gets off to an early start this year, with Easterbrook lavishing particular praise on various Buffalo Bills. Of course, TMQ doesn’t mention his prediction that the Bills (currently 2-0) would finish the season 2-14.
TMQ is clearly still using his preseason cheerleader game plan, as he does with sentence structure.
Sweet and sour: Saints-Bears, Tampa-Minnesota, Jacksonville-Jets, Dallas-49ers, Raiders-Buffalo (“…since all touchdowns are automatically reviewed, trying to challenge a touchdown has become an infraction”? We confess we did not know that.), New England-San Diego (twice: we saw the Wilfork run in highlights, and had to cheer for the big man).
Christmas creep. Is the Chinese navy a threat? We admit to liking TMQ’s answer to that question, and will quote his nut sentence about the Varyag:
Does the NCAA take helmet-helmet hits seriously? Given Dunta Robinson’s actions and the result, does the NFL?
Thank you, Kristen Parry of Laurel, Maryland, for making a point so obvious TMQ should have spotted it.
The Kepler Probe and TMQ’s ongoing “…humanity knows hardly anything about the larger universe” obsession. Again, it isn’t that we disagree; it is that TMQ insists on arguing a non-controversial point.
“An Earthlike distant world could be discovered any day. It will be the first indication we are not alone.” But discovery of an Earthlike distant world does not imply discovery of intelligent life. “…humanity knows hardly anything about the larger universe” including what conditions are needed for intelligent life to evolve.
We approve of the Norbert Reithofer photo, but we wish it had not been cropped to show so little of the car.
So. The Cam Newton question. “The main point is that Newton has proven he’s the real deal amazingly fast.” So is that a yes? “So he’s a mortal, not a demigod walking among men.” Ah. That’s a no.
TMQ buries the key question of the Oakland-Buffalo game: why did it take ten minutes to review the final play of the game?
On to “Terra Nova” bashing. You can save yourself about 1,066 words by noting that TMQ’s two best points have been brought up by pretty much everyone else:
- Why travel 85 million years into the past to save humanity? Couldn’t you do the same thing by going back only 15,000 years? (Possible counterargument: their time portal is only capable of going back to that specific time. Pretty lousy time portal, if true, but see point 2.)
- What is the point of going back in time 85 million years, before an extinction level event, to save humanity? Wouldn’t anything and any civilization these people build pretty much get wiped out by the comet hitting Earth?
The rest of TMQ’s arguments are the standard time travel paradox arguments so familiar to SF readers that there’s no need to recap them here.
Miss Universe does not really interest us. However, that Dolphins cheerleader…
More creep. Rushing good. Wasteful spending on bodyguards returns, without Rick Perry, but with Roger Goodell! Chicken-<salad> punts.
“Tuesday Morning Quarterback would love for 2011 to result in a Super Bowl pairing of Buffalo versus Detroit.” The staff of TMQ has made an executive decision that we will only mention TMQ’s 2-14 prediction for the Bills once per column from this point forward.
Easterbrook is surprisingly harsh about the lawsuit by older NFL players.
Yes, it is possible for kids to play football safely. The wacky disclaimer of the week returns.
“…tax favors to the middle class are what is driving deficit growth.” Of course, what TMQ calls “tax favors”, other people would call “letting taxpayers keep more of the money they’ve earned”.
Cal 63, Presbyterian 12. St. Francis of Pennsylvania 50, Morehead State 49.
The single worst play of the season returns, in only the second week of the season. WCD has a feeling this is going to be a good year for that recurring item.
That wraps things up for this week. Tune in next week, when TMQ compares Eil Manning to the man who was Thursday.