{"id":17644,"date":"2018-07-23T15:25:55","date_gmt":"2018-07-23T20:25:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/?p=17644"},"modified":"2018-07-23T15:25:55","modified_gmt":"2018-07-23T20:25:55","slug":"i-deny-the-allegations-and-i-defy-the-alligators","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/?p=17644","title":{"rendered":"I deny the allegations and I defy the alligators."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Contrary to what (some of) my friends believe, this is <strong>NOT<\/strong> my secret Twitter account:<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-lang=\"en\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">To the dude at my local burger joint: NEVER, EVER PUT TOMATOES ON MY BURGER AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. I AM NO LONGER A MAN THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED FRUIT OF VIOLENCE &amp; DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Ordy&#39;s Summer Lovin&#39; (@OrdyPackard) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/OrdyPackard\/status\/1021247380849491968?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">July 23, 2018<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>Though I do fully support the sentiment.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-lang=\"en\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Damn!!! Maybe&#8230; and just maybe&#8230; you could take the tomatoes off? \ud83d\ude48\ud83d\ude48\ud83d\ude31<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Cami \ud83d\udc8b Your favorite Chilean\ud83c\udde8\ud83c\uddf1 (@CamiMadeinChile) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/CamiMadeinChile\/status\/1021256100987850752?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">July 23, 2018<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>Yeah. That&#8217;s a negatory, GhostRider. First off, there&#8217;s tomato residue left on the burger. Second, and more importantly: when I go somewhere and order a burger (or, for that matter, most other foods) and I say &#8220;I want it this way, with these toppings,&#8221; I expect to get <strong>what I ordered<\/strong>. If I ask for &#8220;ketchup and onions only&#8221; I expect to get that, not something with lettuce, tomato, and a bunch of vile glop on top. Don&#8217;t tell me &#8220;scrape it off&#8221;: <strong>FIX MY FOOD THE WAY I ASKED!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(Sorry if it seems like I&#8217;m worked up, but I&#8217;ve lost count of the number of meals I&#8217;ve had ruined or had to send back because someone didn&#8217;t get my order right, or added things that weren&#8217;t listed on the menu, or or or&#8230;)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Contrary to what (some of) my friends believe, this is NOT my secret Twitter account: To the dude at my local burger joint: NEVER, EVER PUT TOMATOES ON MY BURGER AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. I AM NO LONGER A MAN THAT WILL [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17644","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-admin","category-food"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17644","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=17644"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17644\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17645,"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17644\/revisions\/17645"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=17644"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=17644"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sportsfirings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=17644"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}