Whipped Cream Difficulties

And so we come to the end of the TMQ NFL draft interregnum. What messages does TMQ have for us this week? After the jump…

The small message of this is that young athletes should not let early praise go to their heads.

The big message is that the unknown Everyman can still come out on top.

451 words down.

“…zone reads for everyone!” Free American flags for others! “Fads comes and go.” This explains why our Pet Rock business isn’t doing so well.

As we did last week, we’re not going to go through each entry in TMQ’s draft analysis, but just highlight the items where we have something to say.

Houston: The Texans win games but lack a certain je ne sais pas. That means I don’t know what they lack — and neither, it seems, does Houston management.

We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again: Houston teams will always break your heart.

Isn’t Manziel supposed to be a college student? Texas A&M is in session, yet a “student” at the university is flying around the country discussing football.

We don’t know what TMQ’s college education was like, but at the two schools we attended, we were able to make arrangements with all of our professors to get our coursework done and to work around “extraordinary” (in the sense of “out of the ordinary”) events in our lives. We don’t see any reason to suppose Johnny Manziel couldn’t make the same arrangements with his professors. In any case, who appointed TMQ Manziel’s moral scold?

Aliens aren’t coming to steal our water.

Miami: The Genetically Engineered Surimi traded first- and second-round choices to move up to select Dion Jordan, a pass-rush specialist who played fewer than 50 percent of defensive snaps at Oregon.

As we said last week, “Genetically Engineered Surimi” is a nonsense term.

Who Looks This Stuff Up? The Cowboys 2009 disaster draft had “the highest number of players from a single draft class to have been cut within four seasons by any team, since at least the 1999 draft, according to Stats LLC.

Well, Greg, it seems the answer to your question. “Who Looks This Stuff Up?” is “Stats LLC”. Seriously, dude, do you even read the stuff you write?

All the NFL children were above average, according to the WP.

Reader mail: Scott Walker initiated the investigation of his own aide, ya maroon.

And that wraps things up for now. We’ll see you again in August, assuming we’re all still here.

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