Nudity! Gambling! This week’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback! Now!
“…add an academic metric to the BCS formula.” You can now skip the first 1,132 words of this week’s column.
“TMQ readers know my compromise with my Baptist upbringing is to be pro-topless but anti-gambling.” WCD readers know my compromise with my Christian upbringing is to be pro-nudity, pro-gambling, pro-gun, pro-autonomous heroin vending robots, and, in general, in favor of letting people do what they wish as long as they don’t harm others. “Render unto Caeser“: what does TMQ’s Baptist upbringing have to do with the proper role of the state?
Where were we? Oh, yeah: “Home teams in the NFL divisional round are the surest thing in sports.” Before you take gambling advice from TMQ, you should be aware that WCD followed his “team with best record wins, unless records are equal, then home team wins” strategy for the wild card games and went exactly 50-50. That’s not what we’d call performance to write home about.
Is it just us, or does Meagan look vaguely like a Vulcan? It is well known that WCD is fond of girls named “Meagan”, but this one just looks…strange. It may be the lighting. (WCD is also aware that we make a lot of references to “Star Trek”, given the fact that we despise “Star Trek”. What can we say?)
Sweet play: Auburn. Bunch of stuff about Michael Dyer: was he, or was he not, down? Who cares? WCD applauds the Four Horsemen reference; we are generally in favor of more Four Horsemen references in popular culture (along with the nudity, guns, gambling, heroin vending robots, etc.).
“Sour Coaching Decision of the Week”: Indy. Sweet and sour: Ravens-KC.
Something something Packers-Eagles. Have the Eagles ever been as good as people seem to think they are, with or without McNabb? Seriously, what has Philadelphia ever accomplished?
“Coach-a-Rama”: Mangini, Charlie Weis, and gratuitous RichRod bashing!
WCD has been waiting for some better articles on the ESP study which was in the news last week. Ideally, we’d like to see responses in the same journal, perhaps pointing out flaws in the experimental methodology. Failing that, we’ll take a good Skeptical Inquirer piece, like this one. (Response from the author.) Failing that, we’ll take TMQ’s critique, which we can’t directly link to. “Wait — human beings possess ESP, but only regarding figures engaged in S&M?” This reminds us of Larry Niven’s theory on psychic powers: either they don’t exist, or, if they do, they are so weak as to be virtually useless. Otherwise, the evolutionary advantages of psychic powers would result in almost everyone having them (see The Demolished Man
Good for Andrew Luck that he’s returning for his junior year. “Will Luck end up losing position in the 2012 draft, and thus losing bonus money?” Yes, but at least he won’t be playing for Carolina.
“Lotteries Bilk the Poor“. Because, of course, poor people are also stupid and unable to see through slick marketing campaigns. TMQ drags this out of the closet every year, generally accompanied by the pro-topless, anti-gambling trope. WCD used to believe the whole “lotteries are a tax on the stupid” thing, too, until a friend of ours told us his take: he sees lotteries as a bribe to the state not to raise taxes. Oddly enough, that bribe seems to be less and less successful these days.
“Why won’t most of the mainstream media cover the harm done to average people by throwing money away in state-run lotteries? This couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the lottos buying advertising!” Quite honestly, WCD can’t recall the last time we saw a lottery ad on television or in the newspaper. We do sometimes hear lottery ads on the radio when we’re out and about at someplace that’s actually playing a radio, but even that’s pretty rare.
Jets-Colts: injuries and short-yardage conversions. Plus, more adventures in officiating.
TMQ repeats conventional wisdom regarding Vince Young and Jeff Fisher. Creep. The Oregon Ducks were cutting class. Sell cupcake futures short, we’re on a cupcake bubble. (Mmmmmmm. Cupcake bubble.) Don’t pay college football “stars”.
“TMQ continues to think the NFL’s new playoff overtime format is too complex”. WCD agrees, as we’ve stated previously, and argues for the straight 15-minutes, whoever is ahead after that wins, otherwise a tie or play until someone wins format. Yes, this would reward teams with excellent physical conditioning or a deep bench. Your point would be?
No, it wasn’t a fluke. “So much of the federal tax money, derived by borrowing and handing the bill to our children, isn’t funding newscasts or opera — it’s going into the pockets of NPR executives. Americans whose median income is about $50,000 are being taxed so that executives can live in luxury.”
Smart schools. Not linkable. Frustrating, Gregg.
Seattle-New Orleans analysis. WCD is still depressed about the Saints losing, and can’t bear to dig into TMQ’s analysis. It looks like Easterbrook is chalking this up to a good Seattle defense and a poor Saints defense.
“TMQ likes the goofy new series ‘Human Target'”. Actually, Gregg, the show is in its second season. And we’re glad to hear you like it; we were wondering who did. Personally, we find it grating. But the fact that TMQ likes it doesn’t stop him from criticizing it for being unrealistic. Gregg, the show is based on a comic book, okay?
Ravens – KC: WCD’s care tank is empty. Something about Dwayne Bowe, something about Cassel and interceptions, something about offensive linemen, and Baltimore’s hurry-up offense.
Reader comments: Stanford is now the smallest school ever to win a bowl (replacing TCU), Wisconsin has a program for returning linemen to a normal weight after they’re done playing football (but that still doesn’t make weight gain right), and Providence College advertises (on TV!) a graduation rate of 93% for athletes.
That’s it for this week. Tune in next week, when WCD will turn autonomous heroin vending robots loose in TMQ’s neighborhood. Watch the fun!
Edited to add: Lawrence notes that “Autonomous Heroin Vending Robots” would be a good name for a rock band. Yes, yes it would. Maybe a Courtney Love/Hole tribute band?