Jingle Bells!
Haynesworth smells!
Texans laid an egg!
Bears-mobile lost a wheel
and the Giants got away! Hey!
Let’s open the TMQ Tupperware and see what’s inside.
The first 1,342 words of this week’s column are devoted to mostly incoherent rambling about the New England – Chicago game. WCD summary: “In driving snow, pro football is played.”
Once again, the Heisman goes to a quarterback. Once again, TMQ is indignant.
“…is it me or are Christmas decorations becoming distressingly tasteful?” It’s just you, Gregg. “Overdone displays of garish pulsing colored lights helped make this country great.” WCD is trying to do our part. “Inflatable flashing Santas are good too — right now there’s an inflatable abominable snowman on TMQ’s lawn.” Whoa! Oversharing violation! Five yard penalty on TMQ!
Dear Santa: if you haven’t finished your Christmas list for me yet, Tara would be nice to find under the tree. I promise I’ll be good and only kick the mainstream media when they really deserve it.
Sweet: Jay Feely, zone-reads, Steelers defensive play. Sour: Jets, Titans. Sweet and sour: Favre. Yeah, shut up already, TMQ.
Instead of the usual bashing of movies or TV shows for being “unrealistic”, TMQ treats us this week to a series of thoughts on the Narnia films; should they be approached in order of publication, or in chronological order? How do you keep the explicit Christianity, especially in The Last Battle?
“Sour Coach of the Week”: Mike Shanahan.
Disclaimer of the week: this peanut butter was made in a facility that processes peanuts. I swear I’ve seen this someplace else, but can’t find it right now.
“Why isn’t there a White House gift shop — with the slogan, ‘At the White House, Everything Is For Sale.'” TMQ is playing this item for laughs, but WCD would seriously purchase items from a White House gift shop. Who wouldn’t buy a print of Nixon and Elvis shaking hands? Or reproduction White House stationary from the Nixon era? (Reproduction Watergate Hotel stationary would probably be in poor taste, but not to worry; WCD not only has Watergate Hotel stationary, but also has a Word template that allows us to knock off documents on Watergate Hotel stationary easily.)
Pilots have a saying: the most useless things in the world are altitude above you, runway behind you, fuel in the truck, airspeed you don’t have, and the past ten seconds. TMQ would add to that list “timeouts you don’t take”.
“Chainsaw Dan” Snyder/Albert Haynesworth bashing. Chicken-<salad> kick: Titans. “What’s the point of firing the head coach with a month remaining and no chance of the playoffs?” WCD can answer that one: it gives us something to write about.
Why is the new space telescope being named after a political hack? (TMQ’s opinion, not mine.) Why is the USS Carl Vinson named after a political hack? And why is NYC re-naming the Queensboro Bridge the Edward Koch Bridge? “Koch, a former mayor, may be a consummate New Yorker, but what are his achievements beyond relentless self-promotion?” Come on, Gregg! Are you forgetting his stint as a judge on The People’s Court?
The uDrove Humanitarian Bowl? uDrove?
Stuff about the Texas-Ravens game. We apologize, but we just can’t muster the energy to read through it. The Texans are going to finish, at best, 8-8, and probably worse than that.
“That zebras are letting Vick take illegal hits seems indisputable.” Okay, Gregg. WCD disputes that. That’s a pretty serious charge, and needs to be backed up with more evidence than you provide.
Some stuff about the Maxwell Award, which also (at least, according to TMQ) goes to quarterbacks and running backs exclusively. WCD had never even heard of the Maxwell Award before reading TMQ’s column this week.
The PA system at Soldier Field played “Deguello” when the Patriots were up 27-0. “Did the Soldier Field powers-that-be have any idea what they were playing?” Of course not! Only Texans and ZZ-Top fans know the meaning of “Degüello“!
“…we don’t see the broken former athletes on our tubes, we see only the glittering success of youth.” And speaking of youth, sports at the high-school level and below should not require a year-round investment of time, per TMQ.
Wisconsin-Whitewater 27, Wesley 7. Eastern Washington 38, North Dakota State 31.
Reader comments: lobbying for penalties, if it takes more than two minutes to review the replay it isn’t indisputable, and quite a bit of good point and counterpoint on athletic department sizes and budgets.
“Single Worst Play of the Season — So Far”: New England – Chicago (the Branch touchdown at the end of the first half).
Tune in next week, when we’ll hear TMQ say “Merry Christmas to all. Except ‘Chainsaw Dan’ Snyder, Albert Haynesworth, and Randy Moss.”