Whipped Cream Difficulties

Someone who isn’t us asked why we didn’t mention Vonte Davis in the loser update this week.

The truth is, we just didn’t have anything to bring to the table on that subject. We do have one thought, but we’re not comfortable sharing that in public: it would be irresponsible speculation on our part. We do (sincerely) hope for the best for Mr. Davis.

Apparently, Gregg Easterbrook has almost nothing to say on the subject either. But he does have things to say on other subjects, including the Clay Mathews penalty.

After the jump, this week’s TMQ and why his commentary is problematic…

Why the penalty? Clay Mathews hit Cousins as the Minnesota quarterback released the ball, then they tumbled to the ground. The hit wasn’t late and wasn’t dirty. But quarterback and defender fell together. As of this season, that’s a flag in the NFL.

To be fair to TMQ, we’re not sure if he was aware of this article as he wrote the column. But here is what the NFL has to say on the subject. Summarizing: the call was right, the NFL intends to use this play in teaching tapes as an example of what not to do, and the rule covering this play is not new in 2018.

The old body-slamming of quarterbacks—Oakland’s Ben Davidson, an unusually large human being, used to lift quarterbacks up then slam them to the turf—had to go, as did the practice of diving at the quarterback’s knees.

According to the NFL, that’s exactly what happened: “he lifted [Kirk Cousins] and drove him into the ground.”

What’s going on? For the 2018 season, the NFL has added a new restriction on pass rushers. See new rule 9b: “the defensive player must strive to wrap up the passer with the defensive player’s arms and not land on the passer with all or most of his body weight.” Merely landing on the opponent is now a foul, if the opponent is a quarterback. Zebras are even supposed to eyeball a defender and mentally calculate what “most of his body weight” might be. Does that include the mass equivalent of angular momentum?

Matthews’ penalty had nothing to do with the point of emphasis this year that says players must avoid landing on the quarterback with part or all of his body weight immediately after the ball is thrown, which some surmised was in response to Vikings linebacker Anthony Barr’s hit that broke Rodgers’ collarbone last season.

Sports rules fundamentally are arbitrary—why is a first down 10 yards rather than 9 yards or 11 yards?

Because 9 and 11 aren’t evenly divisible into 100?

Chicken-(salad) kicking: well, Gregg Easterbrook thinks New England punting on 4th from their own 18 counts. Reasonable people may differ.

As for Houston, every NFL team has injuries; at some juncture, injuries must stop being excuses. I am officially weaseling out of my pick and now forecasting the Chiefs as AFC champs.

Stat-o-matic. Sweet: Kansas City, Tennessee. Sour: Oakland. Mixed: Tampa Bay-Philadelphia.

Rudy Giuliani is not a good person. He’s a New York politician: what does TMQ expect? Leon Panetta is also not a good person. But:

“Secretary Panetta is the recipient of hundreds of awards and honors,” his official bio claims. This statement simply cannot be true. No human being—not Albert Schweitzer, not Eleanor Roosevelt, not Nelson Mandela—actually received “hundreds of awards and honors,” unless “honors” really means “a favorable mention in a newspaper column.”

We had trouble finding complete awards and honors data on Albert Schweitzer and Eleanor Roosevelt, but Nelson Mandela’s Wikipedia entry states “Over the course of his life, Mandela was given over 250 awards, accolades, prizes, honorary degrees and citizenships in recognition of his political achievements.” Yes, it is Wikipedia, but there is a source provided for this claim (The Cape Times: the article itself is behind a pay wall), and Wikipedia even goes so far as to provide a list. Sorry, TMQ: your claim would have been much stronger if you had picked someone else. (Interestingly – and we’re not sure Wikipedia’s information is complete – Albert Einstein seems to have received fewer awards and honors than Nelson Mandela, and would perhaps have been a better example.)

Mahomes: “It’s a vindication for Texas Tech and yet another bit misery for the Buffalo Bills.” We commend this section of the column to our Texas Tech fan club out there. Somewhere. We think.

John Brennan is also a bad person. “Why does any former official who is no longer a public employee retain access to national secrets?”

Deep thoughts on chicken-(salad) kicking.

Rams cornerback Marcus Peters was fined for a crotch grab following a touchdown against the Raiders.

Unmentioned: this was supposedly a “tribute” to Marshawn Lynch, who was also fined for doing the same thing in 2014.

Is this gesture confined to testosterone-pumped males? (Rachel York, a rising Broadway star, did a graphic crotch grab while performing I Hate Men in a recent London production of Kiss Me Kate.)

So apparently the answer to the question is “no”. In that case, why ask?

Russia simply cannot win any competition with the West. But it can devalue the essential feature of the West, which is liberal democracy.

You can now skip 496 words of this column. (Which include, by the way, another reminder that TMQ has a new book out.)

If Ryan Fitzpatrick doesn’t stay on as the starting quarterback for Tampa Bay, he’s got a great second career ahead of him in a ZZ Top tribute band. (Seriously, that is one magnificent beard.)

Leading 22-17, Notre Dame lined up to punt to Vanderbilt from its 27-yard line with 12 seconds remaining.

Chaser: TMQ doesn’t complain about Notre Dame’s chicken-(salad) kicking (what, you don’t think you can keep the opposing team from scoring in ten seconds or less from 27 yards out?) but rather about Vanderbilt’s decision not to run 11 men at the kicker.

Head coach Hugh Freeze was fired at Ole Miss when caught doing exactly what he was depicted as doing in The Blindside—faking academic credentials.

We haven’t actually read The Blind Side: is there anyone among our readers who has? And does Hugh Freeze really fake academic credentials in that book?

More chicken-(salad) kicking: Philadelphia, Pittsburgh.

A factor is new NFL kickoff rules. The league wants to discourage kickoff returns, which are much more likely to cause concussions than other types of downs. But the NFL also wants to discourage onside kicks. Not sure what the rationale is in this case, since onside kicks are so rare, your columnist doubts there is data on their safety or lack of same.

It seems to us that onside kicks generally end up in a big scrum, and we can see that there’s a high possibility of injury there.

Ice, ice, baby. 698 is not 700. (Also: “TMQ promised to retire this item…”) Adventures in officiating: Cincinnati. And the Zips won’t play the rockets this year: TMQ is disappointed, while we note Slippery Rock plays Indiana University of Pennsylvania on October 6th.

And that’s a wrap. Tune in next week.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 19th, 2018 at 6:54 am and is filed under NFL, Sports, TMQ watch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.