Ah, the first week of football season. There’s a wonderful scent of mold in the air (due to all the recent rain), friends are trying to provoke us into doomed bets on the Texans, and Gregg Easterbrook finally has something to write about.
After the jump, this week’s TMQ…
Why did Green Bay win? Defense. Why did Chicago lose? Defense.
Why did Pittsburgh tie? Turnovers, offense, the Le’Veon Bell distraction, bad management, and questionable coaching. One thing TMQ doesn’t mention, though: is it possible that Roethlisberger is in the twilight of his career, and Pittsburgh really needs to start looking for a replacement quarterback?
Stats.
Sweet: Pittsburgh’s defense. Sour: Chargers. (“…dropped like a live ferret”. Isn’t that animal cruelty?) Mixed: New England-Houston.
Scott Pruitt is gone, but TMQ wants to get in a few more kicks just for good measure. However, he does make a good point about all those departures “in droves” from the EPA: these people are leaving because they are old and have reached retirement age.
Chicken-(salad) kicking: Chargers, Chicago. Do a little dance, make a little love, get first downs tonight.
We confess: the 49ers and Giants item made us chuckle a little. This is actually kind of embarrassing, as we’ve made a pledge to ourselves that we’re going to try to be a little kinder to the New York Football Giants this year.
Weasel coaches: why is Chip Kelly in here? There’s a difference between not keeping your promises (like Herman and Fisher) or being a party to ongoing sexual abuse (like Starr) and not having a good run of coaching gigs (Kelly).
Hope 41, Defiance 0. We think this is a substitute for Obscure College Score, but we’re not 100% on that.
Hillary Clinton is a plagiarist. So is James Comey. So are Bill Clinton and James Patterson. There’s 850 words down.
“I feel pretty” watch: Kansas City. What’s the difference between “Pretty Plays of the Week” and “Sweet” plays?
Ugly: “Considering Seattle is a serious team and Buffalo is not, one must say the Seahawks’ line is worse.” Buffalo’s not a serious team? Not that we’d argue with that, but TMQ has been a long time Buffalo booster. What’s changed?
Hidden plays: Dalton’s tackle, Fitzpatrick’s first down.
Speaking of Buffalo, Buffalo got buffaloed in Baltimore. Seems to happen a lot.
“…I was unsettled to learn that Satan, too, drives an Acura.” Why is that a surprise? We know the Lord prefers Mercedes Benzes. (Or maybe that’s just Janis Joplin, and the Lord actually prefers a Prius, or even a Tesla.)
Of course, many people never listen to the lyrics of pop songs.
Yeah! We miss the old days of pop songs with easily understandable lyrics! Like “Louie, Louie”!
Colin Kapernick: less controversial than Jesus.
Adventures in officiating: Cleveland. (Noted: the NFL actually admitted the roughing the passer call was wrong, but it’s not clear to us if this came out before TMQ published.) Washington. (The NFL needs more “intentional grounding” calls, in our humble opinion.)
And that’s a wrap for this week, folks. Next week: we’ll see if TMQ gets stuck in a crossfire hurricane.