The single dumbest song ever written.

Bruce Cockburn’s “If I Had a Rocket Launcher”, which can best be summarized as “I want peace and justice, and I’m willing to blow people up with a rocket launcher to get it.”

So what brings this to mind?

Liberty County investigators have uncovered a treasure trove of stolen items concealed on a wooded lot off U.S. 59 that also contained a marijuana growing operation, a methamphetamine stash and a rocket launcher.

Here’s a (warning! Slideshow!) “gallery” (warning! Slideshow!) of the seized weapons, which include “numerous firearms, including shotguns, semi-automatic shotguns, rifles, handguns and even a rocket launcher.” Oh, my, shotguns and semi-automatic shotguns!

It looks to me like the cops seized a slightly beat up Browning A-5, and I can’t tell for sure what all else. It looks like there’s at least one older double gun in there as well, and maybe one or two revolvers on that pistol rug. (These are, frankly, really crappy photos. Thanks, Chron.)

The photo of the “rocket launcher'” isn’t half-bad, though. Several of the Chron commenters speculate that the “rocket launcher” in question is actually a spent or demilled LAWS launcher, of the sort you can easily find on the surplus market. I don’t have enough experience to be sure about that; if any of my readers know for sure, please leave me a comment or drop me a line.

(Feel free to comment or drop me a line as well if you dispute my “dumbest song ever” statement, but please be prepared to discuss your own personal choice for “dumbest song ever”.)

4 Responses to “The single dumbest song ever written.”

  1. stainles says:

    Completely forgot about that one. Sorry.

    In that vein, let me point folks in the direction of Lawrence’s “Worst Cartoon Character of All Time” poll. Not that I want to (Lisa Simpson) influence voting (Lisa Simpson) in this poll, but (Lisa Simpson) if you can find it in your heart (Lisa Simpson) to go over to Lawrence’s (Lisa Simpson) site and cast your (Lisa Simpson) vote, I’d appreciate it.

    And so would Lisa Simpson.

  2. Glen says:

    I disagree with your summary of “If I Had a Rocket Launcher.” For one, I don’t think the irony of wanting to use the same weapons against brutality is lost on Cockburn. If anything, the song is kind of futile, as in, this makes me so mad I wish I could do this, but I wouldn’t and couldn’t…I’m just tempted.

    Really dumb songs? I’ll nominate “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” by Trace Adkins. Here’s your lyrical moment of zen:

    Turn it up some
    Alright boys, this is her favorite song
    You know that right
    So, if we play it good and loud
    She might get up and dance again
    Ooh, she put her beer down
    Here she comes
    Here she comes
    Left left left right left
    Whoo

    Husslers shootin’ eightball
    Throwin’ darts at the wall
    Feelin’ damn near 10 ft. tall
    Here she comes, Lord help us all
    Ol’ T.W.’s girlfriend done slapped him outta his chair
    Poor ole boy, it ain’t his fault
    It’s so hard not to stare
    At that honky tonk badonkadonk
    Keepin’ perfect rhythm
    Make ya wanna swing along
    Got it goin’ on
    Like Donkey Kong
    And whoo-wee
    Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
    There outta be a law
    Get the Sheriff on the phone
    Lord have mercy, how’s she even get them britches on
    That honky tonk badonkadonk
    (Aww son)

    —-
    There’s nothing like a “down home” country artist using urban slang for spelling DUMB.

  3. Brian Dunbar says:

    I don’t know how you could eyeball a LAW from the side and tell if it’s got a live round inside or not.

    However if it’s been extended – and cocked – the weatherproofing is destroyed and if it _was_ a live round it will at some point become an inert one.