Whipped Cream Difficulties

After last week’s “slit your wrists” opening, we were hoping to find something light and funny for this week. We didn’t have much luck, alas.

We did briefly consider doing something with “All I want for Christmas is a goat”. But then we listened to “Holy Night”. Or at least we tried to; we had to shut it off 30 seconds in. With all due respect to ActionAid, they could use this to torture prisoners at Gitmo.

So the heck with trying to find something light and funny. Let’s just jump into this week’s TMQ…

Rulebook simplification would improve officiating.

1,087 words down out of a 3,817 word column. But the funny thing is, we actually agree with both of TMQ’s proposals: simplify the rule book, and make replay review blind. Not like that (insert your favorite blind ref joke here): the reviewing official should not know what the call on the field was.

…if the postseason began today, two losing teams, Indianapolis and Washington, would host playoff games while a winning team, Pittsburgh, would not be invited.

Good thing the postseason doesn’t begin today.

Stats. Sweet: Oakland. Sour: Atlanta. How does TMQ manage to write an item about proposed silly bowl games that’s nowhere near as funny as the actual bowl games? (“Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl”. Mmmm. Citrus wings. “BattleFrog Fiesta Bowl”? Huh. We did not know Tostitos pulled out, but it doesn’t shock us. Also: your question answered. “Marmot Boca Raton Bowl”? Isn’t a marmot what Donald Trump wears on his head? And we still have the Zaxby’s and Famous Idaho Potato bowls.)

As T.M.Q. notes, there are already too many football games for the health of players.

As WCD notes, we’d really like to see some statistical evidence that there are more injuries now than there were in, say, 1991…

Bad blitzing: Arizona. Does TMQ have stock in the parent company of Hell’s Sports Bar? Chicken-(salad) kicking: Cincinnati, Dallas. Something something basketball.

More chicken-(salad) kicking: Army. More bad blitzing: Dallas, Buffalo. Creep.

Syrup blocks are not common because they are hard to accomplish, but perfectly legal.

Authentic games. “I can’t disclose my methodology because I don’t have one; lots of Authentic tests may count for more than victory percentage; and I reserve the right to retcon this item weekly.”

Will Muschamp is a weasel because he’s leaving as defensive coordinator at Auburn to be head coach of South Carolina. Bronco Mendenhall is not a weasel because he’s leaving BYU to coach at Virginia – but he’s waiting until after the Las Vegas Bowl. Got it.

Shepherd 34, Grand Valley 32. And that’s a wrap for this week, folks. You’ve basically got eight shopping days until Christmas; use them wisely.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 15th, 2015 at 6:36 pm and is filed under Christmas, Music, NFL, Sports, TMQ watch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.