Instead of snark, and before jumping into this week’s TMQ, we wanted to throw up a link to something we found by way of a retweet from Popehat:
…
When I tell people the insane details of my childhood, they have the same two questions.
Why in the hell would anyone do this to their own son?
And then …
Why in the hell didn’t anyone put a stop to it?
Please go read this now, if you haven’t already. This week’s TMQ will be here when you return…
Do you suppose Easterbrook’s arms ever get tired from the incessant beating of the drums? Speaking of which…
TMQ’s suggestions for the “Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back Heisman”:
- Emmanuel Ogbah, defensive end for Oklahoma State.
- Laremy Tunsil, offensive tackle (and NCAA suspension victim) for Ole Miss. “The N.C.A.A. will send in helicopter-borne commandos to stop a scholarship athlete from driving a loaner car or getting a short-term interest-free loan, two things Tunsil did.” Weren’t loaner cars and “loans” rampant at SMU back in the day?
- Joey Bosa, Ohio State defensive end.
- Joshua Garnett, Stanford guard.
- “And the Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back Heisman goes to the Clemson offensive line.” Uh, isn’t this supposed to be an award for individual performance?
The Seahawks and Panthers look good. Sweet tight ends: Buffalo. Mixed tight ends: Green Bay and Detroit. Sour: “Near the opposition goal line late in the game, somehow the Giants can’t simply do what’s TOTALLY OBVIOUS.”
The answer to that question is: lost to a mediocre team. You’re welcome.
Stats. More Redskins. The football gods chortled, the writer stepped away to grab a soda. Hell’s sports bar “offers unlimited free chicken wings, but patrons must bite them off a live rooster.” Sp: Redskins bad, animal cruelty A-Ok. Matt Schaub is bad (as any Houston fan could tell you) but he’s not Philip Rivers bad.
Inappropriate celebration. (Why did parents stop naming their daughters “Dulcinea”? That’s kind of a pretty name. Of course, we may have an inappropriate fondness for it, as we read “Don Quixote” early in our high school career, and not as required reading. What can we say? We were trying to impress a woman, who was not named “Dulcinea”.)
Chicken-(salad) kicking: Baltimore, Cleveland, St. Louis.
Seriously? TMQ can’t tell these apart? Here’s a cheat sheet, Gregg: “Hunger Games” is the one where the cute chick shoots representatives of a totalitarian government in the face with her bow and arrows. “Harry Potter” is the one where they ride brooms around and shoot evil wizards in the face with magic spells. “Lord of the Rings” is the one where they’re all endlessly walking and every movie is five hours long. And “Star Wars” is the one with the walking shag carpet.
But would societies based on super-advanced technology really fight with hand weapons?
Yeah! Why would they? Everyone knows it was our super-advanced technology that let us defeat a bunch of peasant rice farmers and win the Vietnam War!
“Adventures in Officiating”: face mask or not? (Not to be confused with “Robot or Not”. Which we actually kind of enjoy, but we also feel like the whole podcast would be pointless if Siracusa would just settle on a single definition of a robot and apply that.)
Watt. Dalton. Curry. “What Do the Football Gods Have Against the Detroit Lions?” It isn’t the “football gods”, Gregg: it is poor officiating by the NFL, not just against Detroit but league-wide, and you really ought to be writing about that.
Authentic games: as a reminder, “Remember, I can’t disclose my methodology because I don’t have one.”
[Retconning is] shaping up as big in the 2016 presidential campaign, too.
Yes. Yes, it is. (Previously.)
The 500 Club. Wisconsin Whitewater 31, Wisconsin Oshkosh 29.
And that wraps things up for this week. You still have time to donate to the MST3K Kickstarter. Also, NRA membership dues go up after the first of the year, so now’s a fantastic time to join (if you’re not already a member) or upgrade (if you are). You can still get a Life Membership for $500, and that’s something we plan to take advantage of.
Thanks, NYT!