Whipped Cream Difficulties

Cowboys! Indians! Notre Dame! Da Bears! All in this week’s TMQ, after the jump…

This week, the NFC preview. Will Seattle repeat? Will they even get to the playoffs?

Recent precedent says no.

544 words down.

“the Falcons are on the downward side of a talent cycle”. Plus:

Network politics note: Atlanta finished 4-12 the past season and gets a Monday Night Football appearance in 2014; Washington finished 3-13 and gets two MNF dates; Buffalo had a better record than either and will not appear on Monday Night Football.

It might have been useful if TMQ mentioned who Atlanta and Washington were playing. Seattle plays at Washington on October 6th, and Washington plays at Dallas on October 27th. Atlanta plays at Green Bay on December 8th. All three of these sound like games with prime time appeal.

“…the NFL postseason should be a seeded tournament”. Yawn. Creep. Why is Pottery Barn selling Halloween costumes anyway? Are people dressing their children as ceramic planters?

Carolina is better than you think. “The Last Ship” is sillier than you think.

What’s wrong with Tampa? Bad personnel decisions and lack of management stability. What’s wrong with da Bears? Terrible defense.

This offseason, Jerry Jones agreed to $110 million ($40 guaranteed) for Tyron Smith. Last offseason, Jones agreed to $108 million ($55 million guaranteed) for Tony Romo. Thus, in about 12 months, Jones promised $218 million ($95 million guaranteed) to two players who have combined for a career total of one postseason victory. Romo is 1-3 in the playoffs; Smith has never made a playoffs appearance. So let’s break the bank to make sure we keep these guys together!

Wasteful spending on bodyguards, yet again.

Detroit: bad draft picks. Green Bay: great offense, bad defense.

The ultimate summer song is the Beach Boys’ 1964 “All Summer Long.”

Really?

Giants: Is the problem that Eli Manning only completed 58 percent of his passes last season? Or is it that he threw 27 interceptions? Or is it that nobody on that team can hang on to the ball? The Vikings: your all-rookie team.

More creep.

In the offseason, Under Armour signed a $9 million per year deal to be the exclusive athletic apparel supplier to Notre Dame, while the school signed a $15 million per year deal to sell its home-game broadcast rights to NBC. This means apparel and football home games alone will pay the entire cost of all athletic scholarships and head-coach salaries at Notre Dame — not just for football but for all men’s and women’s sports. Additional TV rights sales, ticket revenue and tie-in income are pure gravy for the school.

This sounds wonderful. Notre Dame’s entire athletic department is self-supporting, and there may even be extra money that goes back to the school. Or extra money to fund some additional sports. We have some ideas on that front.

The Saints defense improved considerably last year. TMQ doesn’t suggest this, but we wonder: could this be New Orleans’ year again?

TMQ responds to the Jacksonville dedicated tax debate.

The Eagles: blur offense, poor defense.

Whether a performer should pay for the privilege of performing, even to the vast Super Bowl audience, is a conundrum.

(We don’t see the NYT charging for op-eds. Someone might pay to run an op-ed that contradicts Maureen Dowd. Then where would the paper of record be?)

Academic cheating. The Rams: meh.

“Stat That Must Mean Something”. Maybe not. Salary Cap Rotisserie League.

San Francisco likes the nightlife baby, she said. (Let’s go!) Seattle: defense wins games.

The 2014 season kicks off with the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons having their eighth head coach since Chainsaw Dan acquired the team. Not only has Dan Snyder’s mismanagement led to an average of seven wins per season under his aegis, the R*dsk*ns have become a graveyard of coaches. Of the head coaches who labored under Chainsaw Dan, not a one remains an NFL head coach. Steve Spurrier returned to the college ranks; Norv Turner and Terry Robiskie are NFL assistants; Joe Gibbs does his stuff with NASCAR; Marty Schottenheimer, Jim Zorn and Mike Shanahan are OOF — Out of Football. Although Shanahan has 178 career NFL victories — more than any active NFL head coach other than Bill Belichick — since he was given cab fare to the airport by Chainsaw Dan, no one’s so much as offered him a high school offensive coordinator’s post. Coaches who work for Snyder leave tainted.

Quoted for schadenfreude.

And that wraps up the NFC. Next week: 15 years of haiku.

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